Reclaiming the Narrative: Building a Life of Purpose After Treatment
Join Tiffany, Becky, and Katie as they share a powerful look at reclaiming life after treatment through clear boundaries, mutual accountability, and a fresh sense of identity. This episode offers a roadmap of hope for families navigating the transition home and building a resilient future together.
Check out the full episode for even more inspiration from Becky and Katie’s journey of resilience and hope. If you are ready to start a new chapter for your own family and need professional guidance to navigate the transition, we are here to provide the support you need at 855-667-9388. Your family’s fresh start is possible, and we are happy to help you with every next step.
Introduction to Life After Treatment
Tiffany: Welcome back to our final episode of this mini-series. In this episode, we will be acknowledging that discharge is not the end. It is a new phase of healing that requires continued intention and support, and we will be talking about what life has been like after treatment. Please remember that this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. Always consult a licensed mental health professional regarding your family’s specific needs.
Let's start.
Becky and Katie, thank you again for joining us for our last episode. We are going to be talking about what it is like after treatment. First of all, I want to acknowledge that life after treatment is not the ending. It is the beginning of a brand new phase that requires intention, support, and work. You are not done working on recovery at this point, so I am excited to hear what it has been like since you have been out of treatment. How long has it been now?
Katie: This September, it was two years.
Tiffany: So, it has been about two years. Let me start with your mom. Becky, what was it like for you to pick up your daughter after she had been away for so long?
Becky: It was exciting, but it was also scary. I felt like we needed a very solid plan. We were given a lot of tools, and it took our family a long time to create the framework and structure that we were going to operate under during those first few months of her being home.
I believe it was necessary for our family to have that structure so that we were all in agreement, especially since it was a split household in a co-parenting situation. That creates additional complexity; we had to be sure that everyone was operating in the best way to support our daughter’s success at home.
I was very excited, imagining all the great things we were going to do and the time we would spend together. As the program progressed toward that exit and the next phase, we got to talk to her more and look forward to it because we knew when it was going to happen. It just felt like a natural progression. Even though it was a little scary, I felt very prepared for the next phase.
Establishing Clear Communication & Boundaries
Tiffany: That leads to my next question: did you feel prepared by the program? What specifically did they do to prepare you?
Becky: A lot of family therapy sessions were dedicated to creating the home plan. I loved the home visits that led up to the transition- the increasingly longer visits. Those are absolutely essential. During the first home visit, our daughter definitely took a few steps backward. But the thing that was most gratifying for me was how quickly she took accountability for what happened during that visit.
To me, and to the therapist, we all agreed that is the goal. If you are going to have a misstep, it is about how quickly you can take accountability and understand what you did that was outside the parameters of the home visit. Those visits, the family therapy dedicated to the home plan, the collateral reading, and a few really good recommended books were all helpful.
We also had a literal template regarding what categories to consider discussing beforehand. You do not want to be surprised by a topic and not know how to navigate it; you want to navigate it while it is not currently happening and you are not in the heat of it. I took it to the next level because I like to be very thorough, so it was quite elaborate. Regardless, it helped me have a plan and something to document and look back on. This is what we agreed on. We really did not have to refer back to it that much, but it was certainly thorough.
Tiffany: Being able to make everything explicit and plan out scenarios is so helpful. You can talk about which systems work and which do not, what boundaries will be in place, and what the rules are. You can discuss things like: do you talk to old friends? If so, which ones? Those conversations need to happen so you are not surprised when the situations arise. It prevents the "well, that is not fair" argument because you can say, "we talked about this, and this is what we both decided on." It takes the fight out of it a bit.
Becky: Mm-hmm.
Tiffany: I love that you mentioned those home visits being essential. They are tests of how you are going to do. It is not a matter of "if" you are going to mess up, but "when," because you will.
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Tiffany: You are going back to your old environment, and it is natural to want to return to old habits and behaviors. The question is: are you going to recognize it and seek accountability to change it?
Katie: Absolutely. I think a huge part of the transition from my perspective was what we did with the phone in therapy. We went through my phone fully, talking about everything on it and deciding what to delete. It seems really scary at first as the kid because you are so used to how your phone looks. Wanting to get rid of stuff and people seems scary because, nowadays, your phone is like your little... I don't even know...
Tiffany: It is like a diary or a part of you.
Katie: Exactly. Going through it helped when I went home because it took away a bit of that old environment. I had a "new phone" to set me up for success. I think that is so important because phones have become such a big part of our lives and how we communicate and connect. I thought it was super important to be genuine and vulnerable about what was on there and to be willing to make changes. That was a huge part of what set us up for success.
Tiffany: Did you have to go through social media accounts and things like that?
Katie: Yep. We did all the social media accounts, all of my text messages, and all of my photos. Pretty much anything that could have been triggering or just wasn't good for where I was headed.
Tiffany: It is really about looking at all aspects of your life, even electronically, and starting fresh.
Katie: Exactly.
Tiffany: Erasing those parts that just did not serve you.
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Reassessing Family Dynamics
Tiffany: I love that. Did you do anything differently regarding your family dynamics? Did you look at changing that?
Becky: I would say we did. One of the things we were trying really hard to do- thinking it was the right approach- was to have a balanced, 50/50 parental relationship where she would be at my house half the time and her father’s house the other half. What we learned was that it just was not working for her.
After you are out of the program, you still have the opportunity to engage with your therapist for a while and do check-ins. It was determined that we were trying too hard. As soon as we more or less decided, "Hey, it just makes more sense for our daughter to live one hundred percent with me," things got so much better for her and for everyone.
It was not because of a lack of desire from both parents to have time with her. But for our daughter’s health and consistency, it just made more sense. Being away for a year and then coming back only to bounce between two households was really, really hard for her. Recognizing that it is not about the parents, but about what is healthiest for the child, was one big decision we made together as a family unit.
That was a major change because she still had two more years of high school. She caught up with her sophomore year and then moved into junior and senior year. We were in the midst of a very dynamic time in a child’s life, and we did not need to add the stress of her having to pack up every other week to move back and forth.
Tiffany: I think that is an amazing example and a very courageous decision that you and her dad made. It really makes for the most successful co-parenting. When you can get past your own stuff as a parent and ask, "What is best for my child, and what do I have to sacrifice that may not be in my favor, but is in theirs?"- man, that is what makes things really successful and sets you up for a much better situation. You are already at a disadvantage with parents being divorced, but knowing that your parents are putting your interests first and putting their own stuff behind them just takes so much off your shoulders.
Katie: Absolutely. I agree. When the focus started to be on what was going to make me the happiest, it felt really good. In the past, when I was trying to figure that out, I felt like they would take it pretty personally. That was really hard because I was just trying to say, "No, I am just trying to make myself happy right now. I do not mean to avoid spending time with one of you or the other; it is just about me." Finally getting past that point where I could settle in and be comfortable- and knowing they were okay with that- was really important.
Shared Accountability in Recovery & Surprising Adjustments
Katie: I think another thing that was really big in changing our dynamic was accountability on both sides. That was a major part of our home contract and home plan. Not only did my actions have positive and negative consequences, but the same applied to them if they did not hold up their side of the deal. I had this fear that I was going to be held strictly accountable because that was my job now, while they might slack off or change the rules. So, having that mutual accountability was very important.
Tiffany: Yes, you cannot just come home having changed yourself and expect it to stick if the environment hasn't changed; you will just fall back into old habits. The fact that everyone is being asked to change is fair, and it honestly allows for your success. It means not only are you willing to do the work, but your parents are as well. If there were siblings in the mix, it would be the same thing- everyone looking at themselves and asking where they need to take accountability so the family can be set up for success and support the person in recovery. That is huge. What has been the most surprising thing since you have been back?
Becky: For me, what was surprising- and interesting- was that it only took about a month to two months for things to feel "typical" or "normal." We got into a routine that was healthy, and the communication skills we built while she was away translated into our day-to-day living.
I was also surprised by my own ability to pause and not react. That was a big learning curve for me. It is hard when you want to believe they won't repeat old behaviors, but you have to be strong enough to give them the freedom to do something. For instance, there is a pizza place near our house. Before treatment, anytime she wanted to go there, it was usually not for the right reasons. The first time she asked for the privilege to go there again, I almost followed her. I kept it together, though, and it was very telling: she was back within fifteen minutes because she realized being there wasn't where she should be or wanted to be. It wasn't the same. What surprised me is how rewarding it is to give that freedom and have it met with responsible, healthy decisions.
Tiffany: I think of movies like Finding Nemo, where the parent finally says, "Okay, I am going to trust you. I am going to let go." Then the child comes back and shows they are capable, essentially saying, "Thank you for giving me the opportunity." I love that. How about for you, Katie? What has been the most surprising thing as you get back into normal life?
Rewriting Personal Narratives
Katie: I think my biggest surprise was that I could transition from being seen with disappointment or being looked down upon. People thought, "Wow, you were involved in drug use and had to go off to rehab." Originally, that was my story when I came home, but I was able to rewrite it. Once I started rewriting that story for myself and believing it with confidence, other people started to rewrite their story of me in their heads, too.
It was so important that I first believed that I am not just a "treatment kid." I am not just a drug addict. I am not just sober. I can continue to progress. I can continue to be ambitious and achieve things that any other kid would achieve- like getting a job, or even two, or getting back into sports. You can excel in school and find your path in education. Just because you skipped a year of school does not mean you cannot go back and find a way to get where you want to go. I know many kids might say, "Oh, I missed a year of high school and I have to make it up; it will take a long time, and now I cannot go to college." But I was able to rewrite that for myself. I applied to seventeen different colleges, and I had what I would say was one of the most incredible introductory essays for a college to look at.
Tiffany: I love that.
Katie: Watching a kid who went through family tragedies, personal tragedies, and rehabilitation- who got sober and then rewrote their future- that is something a college will choose any day because that is true resilience. That is so important for your education.
No matter how long it takes for you to finish high school or college, it is vital that you continue to be ambitious and strive for what is next. It is also important to open your mind to things you would not have considered in the past, whether that is new hobbies, new sports, different kinds of friends, religion, or new career paths. It is so important to keep moving in those directions because it will continue to change your life and surprise you every day with what you can do. When you are being told you are "just this," you can be so much more. It is about finding people who see that in you, too. They do not just see you as someone coming out of rehabilitation or a recovering addict; they see an ambitious young person who can do anything with their life.
Tiffany: I love that. Rather than carrying those labels and being stuck in the place where people want to put you, right?
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Tiffany: Because we want to make things simple and black and white.
Katie: Exactly.
Tiffany: People think you are either a "druggie" or you are in recovery, but you got to go deeper.
Katie: Mm-hmm.
Tiffany: You really chose who you wanted to be and, like you said, you rewrote your story, which is huge. That really is how we overcome the shame we carry- by looking at it and saying, "That no longer defines who I am; I am going to define who I am. I get to be in charge. I get to be empowered."
Could you share with our listeners what your path has been like since you have been home? How did you find yourself and the support you needed to continue on the path you started at DRS?
Navigating Post-Recovery Challenges
Katie: I graduated on September 15, 2023. I came home, and one really big thing I had to overcome was that within ten days of being back, I had to get surgery.
Tiffany: Oh, wow.
Katie: Yeah. Going through drug rehabilitation and then, within ten days of graduation, having to go on medication to numb that pain- it was a huge test of my skills. I felt like, "Okay, this is what I need to do right now." But it also gave me so much fuel. I was walking five days after knee surgery. I was back playing and rehabilitating into my sports after six weeks. Having that motivation- being able to say, "I just tested myself and I won"- really got me working.
After that, I went to a private one-on-one school for my junior year of high school. As a team, my parents, the school district, and I decided it was a little too fast to jump right back into the exact same environment.
Tiffany: Mm-hmm.
Katie: We decided to put me into a one-on-one private school about fifteen minutes from my house. This helped me fast-track my junior year. I was able to pick up the classes I missed during my sophomore year, finish my junior year, and start my senior year a little bit early.
I also met one of the most important people I could have met: my significant other. He went through rehabilitation during the exact same time I did. He went through the same struggles, and we ended up at the same private school, which was a leap of faith in so many ways. Being around someone who cared about their recovery and their future was so important because we got to bounce ideas off of each other. It was motivation to stay sober. If we had cravings or any kind of downfall, we had someone who genuinely knew exactly how it felt.
Having that person to lean on was incredible. I think it was also important for my parents’ confidence in me to see that I had someone like that. I didn't just have to lean on them- they understood me, but they didn't understand the exact details of what I was going through. We continued to move forward and had an incredible summer. I really got to be a kid again that summer. I spent time in the sun doing what I love and just having fun. It was my first summer where I could just lay back and be relaxed. Then I walked into my senior year. I went back to my original high school and only had a handful of classes because I used that private school to get ahead.
Finding New Values and Principles
Katie: I ended up finding many positive values for myself through a religious context. I had addressed my mental health and my addiction through rehabilitation and really focused on my sense of self, but then I needed something to fill the void with principles and values. When I went into rehabilitation, I had very skewed values. Going through DRS, I was stripped down to the bone, and then it was time to rebuild those values.
Finding that through religion really helped me find a love for the family unit. Coming from a broken family, I needed to see an example of a healthy family structure- loving each other for who we are, because we are made to be who we are. The only person who can continue to change that is yourself.
I graduated my senior year with my class. This past summer, I did door-to-door summer sales.
Tiffany: Oh, wow.
Katie: Yeah, I...
Tiffany: I bet you were great at that.
Katie: Yeah! I went out a little later than most people because I had to finish high school, and I worked, like, blood, sweat, and tears for ten weeks. It wasn't the hardest thing I have ever done- I would give that title to rehabilitation- but it definitely helped me utilize those skills. I had a reason for doing it: I knew it would help me reach the future I want.
After those ten weeks, I came home, spent time with my family, and then went off to college. Now I am a political science major, and I love every bit of it. I love knowing what is going on in the world and learning how I can change it, not only with my story but with the knowledge I gain.
I am still dating my significant other, and we continue to build off each other as we grow further away from our time in treatment. We are learning how to become our own people in a way that isn't determined by treatment. We are moving forward and finding our next goals. Obviously, while you are in treatment, the goal is just "get to the end" or "survive."
Tiffany: Yep.
Katie: After that, I really believe you just take it one step at a time based on your ambitions. Now that we are further away from it, you can plan more steps ahead because you know you are stable enough to do that. That is where my life has ended up: I graduated high school, I found my values and the character of who I want to be, and I have my future planned out. I want to graduate college. I want to get a master’s degree. I want to go into law and make a difference in this world- not only with my story, but by helping others get through the things I faced.
I also see myself as a future mother. When you come from a broken family, if you have the desire to have a family of your own, it is so important to be the best parent you can be- especially when you come from parents you could not always look up to.
Reflections on Growth and Achievement
Tiffany: I honestly get chills just hearing your story. You are going to move mountains. You are going to make changes in this world, and I have no doubt that you are already doing that. Becky, you must be so proud of your daughter and how far she has come. Did you imagine she would be at this place?
Becky: It is interesting. She has always had a strong personality- "precocious" doesn't quite describe it. What is really rewarding right now, and makes me a little teary-eyed, is that all of her energy and drive is now moving in a positive direction. Imagine all of that determination and energy going somewhere negative, which is where it was.
Her ability to step out, self-assess, do the work, and then redirect herself is incredible. Her base personality is still there; she is just taking that intellect and talent and putting it toward a healthy path. I cannot be any prouder. It is wonderful to feel like this. We know that DRS was a huge part of why she is able to do this now. To her point, it almost feels like this was a step that had to happen in our lives to direct her energy to the right place. I am completely thrilled about her ambition and the healthy direction she is taking.
Tiffany: It is almost like you lost your daughter for a little bit. She was still in there, but you have gotten a better version of her back. I am excited to see where you go with this version of yourself. I can tell you have a drive, a passion, and an energy. I can relate to that; I have a pretty big personality myself, as you can probably tell. I am trying to be better at letting people tell their stories without talking so much! I have really loved hearing both of your stories. Becky, what do you wish you had known before starting this journey?
Becky: I think I wish I would have known that, on the other side, it could be as good as it is now. That would have made the tougher months less difficult, knowing what was coming. But if you read the statistics, they are not always in favor of the kids or the people making these massive changes.
I knew the person my daughter was- I knew that potential was in there. It was just a matter of redirecting it. So, I wish I knew earlier that it could be this good. Something else just came to me that I think is important: I wish I knew not to compare her to other kids. I wish I hadn't spent time thinking, "Why couldn't she be like Sally, who is the perfect student and doesn't get in trouble?"
Often, you don't know "Sally" as well as you think you do. I think everyone struggles a bit. I feel really proud of the bravery Katie showed by letting people know she was struggling. Comparing her to other kids her age didn't serve her or me any good, so I wish I had known that earlier, too.
Tiffany: That makes a lot of sense. It is natural to compare when you are going through hard times, especially with a child you love whose potential you can see. It is natural to want to be in a different place and to look at others and make assumptions. But you are right; everyone has struggles, even if we don't see them.
When you are in those dark spots, it is hard to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I look back at my own life and my darkest moments, and I don't know if the Tiffany back then would believe where I am now. If you had told her years ago that she would be at this spot, she wouldn't have believed you. It is hard in those moments to know there is hope and healing on the other side. I hope our listeners can feel that love, hope, and healing that comes when you do the work and find yourself again as a person and as a family.
Katie: Yeah.
Final Thoughts: Inspiring Change and Hope
Tiffany: I hope this inspires our listeners and parents- even if a teen is listening to this- to know that you do not have to fall into that. You can change. There is hope, and there is healing ahead for you.
Katie: Yeah. And even if you are out of treatment and you have fallen back into your old patterns, you are still able to take hold of your life and your future and change it now. There is never a better time than right now. There is no better moment to change than this very moment. I know that if you want to change and want better for yourself, any person around you will surround you with love. Love is so important to have around your child; as a girl, it is so important to feel loved in your process of life. It will always be there as you change and grow. It is the one thing that will always be stable.
Tiffany: Thank you so much, Becky and Katie, for joining us and sharing your story. I have said it multiple times, but I honestly mean it: it is an honor to be able to hold space and to hear your story. I really hope the listeners can hear the emotion in our voices as we witness your healing process and your recovery. There is hope and healing for anyone who is listening. It is always a possibility. Thank you again for joining us.
Katie: Yeah! Thank you for giving us the opportunity.