Finding Autism Support for Parents: Navigating the Challenges of Raising a Teenage Girl with Autism
Parenting an autistic child is challenging. Host Nate Marble and Jennifer Hedrick share strategies for diagnosis, self-care, communication, school advocacy, and finding support for families with autism and neurodivergent kids.
We hope that you find this episode helpful. If you would like to learn more about how you can help your teen, call our compassionate admissions team at 855-667-9388
Introduction to Parenting Challenges
Nate Marble: Hello, and welcome back to our podcast! I'm Nate Marble and today, I'm joined by Jen Hedrick, our Clinical Director and Associate Executive Director at Discovery Ranch South in southern Utah. Jen, it's great to have you here.
Jennifer Hedrick: Thanks, Nate. Happy to be here.
Nate Marble: Before we dive in, just a quick reminder—this podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you or your family need support, please reach out to a mental health professional.
In this episode, we’ll be talking about some of the common challenges parents face when raising a child with ASD or neurodivergence. We’ll also share practical strategies for self-care and ways to navigate the teenage years more effectively.
Let’s be honest—parents often put themselves last. We don’t always take care of ourselves the way we should, and that’s something we’re going to talk about today.
Common Parental Challenges with Neurodivergent Children
Nate Marble: As a parent—or for those listening—what are some of the most common challenges you see when raising a child with ASD or neurodivergence?
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah, I think you hit on a big one earlier—parents often don’t take care of themselves. But before we even get to that, one major challenge happens before a diagnosis. Parents may struggle to understand why their child is behaving a certain way, and without answers, it can feel frustrating and confusing. Once they receive a diagnosis, things can start making more sense.
But then, parents have to figure out what to do next. How do they educate themselves so they can best support their child? That takes time and energy—two things that can already feel in short supply. Parenting, in general, requires patience and flexibility, but when you're raising a neurodivergent child, those qualities become even more essential. And if parents aren’t taking care of themselves, they may not have the capacity to show up the way their child needs. It’s that classic analogy—on an airplane, you put on your oxygen mask first so you can help others. The same applies here.
Another challenge is adjusting expectations. Many parents have a vision of what raising a child will be like. But when their child’s needs or behaviors don’t align with that vision, it can be difficult to shift perspectives. Learning to adjust those expectations—meeting your child where they are rather than where you assumed they would be—is a big part of the process.
And ultimately, I hope parents focus on helping their child navigate the world in the best way for them, rather than just wanting them to be happy all the time. I often hear parents say, “I just want my child to be happy.” And I get that—but I also hope they understand that sadness, frustration, and all emotions are part of being human. We don’t need to shield kids from those feelings; we need to help them manage them.
For kids on the autism spectrum, it helps to start with the basics. I’ve mentioned this in previous episodes—think of it like learning simple math. First, 1+1=2. Before you tackle bigger concepts, you need that foundation. The same goes for parenting neurodivergent kids: start by understanding their sensory experiences, their emotional awareness, and how they process the world. Then, build from there.
It’s not easy, but that’s where parent support comes in—slowing down, taking a step back, and addressing what’s really underneath the behaviors.
Nate Marble: That can be tough, especially if parents don’t recognize what’s happening until later in their child’s life. It might mean rethinking everything they’ve done up to that point and going back to the basics.
Jennifer Hedrick: Exactly.
The Importance of Self-Care for Parents
Nate Marble: We’ve been talking about how parents can support their kids, but what about themselves? How can they avoid burnout?
Jennifer Hedrick: That’s such an important question. When I work with parents, I often teach them the same skills I teach their kids. Parents naturally go into fix-it mode—they just want their child to stop struggling. It’s not necessarily that they want their child to be fixed, but they don’t want them to have bad experiences. And sometimes, that comes from their discomfort—if their child is struggling, they feel it too.
One of the biggest challenges I see is that many parents struggle to co-regulate with their children. Any child can experience emotional ups and downs, but kids on the autism spectrum or who are neurodivergent often have more difficulty with emotional regulation. They might swing between feeling overstimulated and anxious or shutting down completely.
That’s where parents come in. Their ability to stay within their window of tolerance—meaning staying emotionally regulated—has a huge impact. But let’s be honest, many parents struggle with this too. If their nervous system becomes dysregulated, that stress often carries over to their child. So self-care for parents means learning how to regulate their own emotions first.
Nate Marble: Right, so they can model it for their child while supporting them through their challenges.
Jennifer Hedrick: Exactly.
Nate Marble: Are there support groups or other resources that parents can turn to for help?
Jennifer Hedrick: Absolutely. A simple online search, especially for local resources, can be a good place to start. I think support groups are one of the best options. I’ve led a lot of parent groups for families with kids in treatment, and I’ve seen how powerful it is for parents to connect with others who truly get what they’re going through.
Many parents feel isolated in their struggles—like no one else is dealing with the same challenges. But in reality, so many other families are experiencing similar things. Just being able to talk with someone who understands can be incredibly validating. It’s not about getting a quick fix or a perfect solution—it’s about knowing you’re not alone in this.
Encouraging Communication Between Parents and Children
Nate Marble: How can parents encourage open communication with their kids? Not just encourage it, but also make it a priority—something they consistently work on?
Jennifer Hedrick: Communication is Parenting 101. You have to keep an open line of communication with your kids. But at the same time, it’s important to understand that as kids grow, their developmental task is to differentiate from their parents—to start forming their own identity. That means they might pull away a bit, which can make staying connected more challenging.
This is true for all teenagers, whether they’re neurodivergent or not. But for kids on the autism spectrum, maintaining that connection can be even more important because they’re actively trying to make sense of the social world.
That’s where modeling comes in. As parents, we need to demonstrate the kind of communication and social behavior we want to see in our kids. They watch us closely—whether we realize it or not—and they mimic what they see. I once worked with a kid on the spectrum who was struggling socially. Their go-to response in interactions was often a bit mean-spirited, and at first, I couldn’t figure out why. Then I met the parent and it clicked. At home, the parents had a habit of making judgmental comments about people—not in a cruel way, just in passing. But their child absorbed that behavior and took it into social settings, not realizing how it affected others.
That’s why modeling matters. We don’t have to be perfect, but we do have to be intentional about what we show our kids.
Nate Marble: That ties into self-care too, right? If parents are making an effort to take care of themselves—whether it’s going to a support group or seeking help—their kids will see that. Maybe that encourages them to do the same.
Jennifer Hedrick: Exactly. But a lot of parents struggle with this idea. They think, Oh, taking time for myself is selfish. But it’s not. You can’t take care of others if you’re completely drained.
Nate Marble: Right.
Jennifer Hedrick: And when kids see their parents prioritizing self-care, they learn that it’s okay to do the same. They see, My parents take time for themselves because they need it to show up better for me. That sets an example for them to follow.
Nate Marble: Yeah, and it becomes something they incorporate into their own lives as well.
Jennifer Hedrick: Exactly.
Nate Marble: So, what resources do you recommend for parents who want to build resilience and manage stress while going through this?
Jennifer Hedrick: Well, I’m a little biased, but I’d say therapy. And that doesn’t necessarily mean traditional therapy where you just sit and talk about your feelings. It’s really about having support—whether that’s a therapist, a life coach, or someone who can listen without judgment. Parents need a space where they can talk openly about their struggles without feeling criticized.
Beyond that, taking care of yourself physically is important too—getting outside, exercising, and doing the things we know help our mental health. But when parents are in crisis mode, all of that tends to take a backseat. When you’re focused on helping your child through something difficult, it’s easy to neglect your own needs.
Nate Marble: Yeah, and sometimes it’s hard to even recognize when you need a break. I know from personal experience that I’ll reach a point where I don’t even realize I’m burned out—I just keep pushing forward. Are there signs parents should look for? Something that signals, Hey, it’s time to step back and take care of yourself?
Jennifer Hedrick: It’s different for everyone, but for me, the sign is when I start reacting in ways that don’t feel like me. If I’m snapping at people or responding in a way that’s out of character, that’s a big red flag. It means I’m not in a good place, and I need to reset.
One tool I’ve found helpful—something I learned from Brené Brown—is the acronym HALT. It stands for:
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
If you’re feeling off, ask yourself: Am I hungry? Am I angry? Am I lonely? Am I tired? If you answer yes to any of those, that’s a sign you need to take care of yourself. For most parents, being tired is a big one—whether it’s physical exhaustion, mental fatigue, or emotional burnout.
Nate Marble: Hungry, angry, lonely, tired—I’m writing that down. That’s good.
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah, it’s simple, but it works.
Nate Marble: Thanks for that. Now, shifting gears—let’s talk about how parents can advocate for their kids in different situations.
Advocating for Your Child in Educational Settings
Nate Marble: Every situation is different, but how can parents effectively advocate for their kids in a school setting?
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah, I’d love to say it’s as simple as “just advocate for your child,” but in reality, it’s more challenging than that. Ideally, advocacy is also a learning opportunity for the child. When parent advocates, they’re modeling how to stand up for themselves, and kids pick up on that. It should be a partnership between the parent and child—showing them how to navigate these conversations in a healthy, assertive way.
That means using clear, respectful communication when working with the school or any organization your child is part of. And most importantly—don’t give up. There will be roadblocks, and it’s easy to get discouraged, but sometimes, parents have to push a little harder to get the support their child needs.
It’s also important to tap into resources, both within and outside the school. At the end of the day, it’s the school’s responsibility to help kids succeed—whatever success looks like for them. If a child isn’t having a positive or supportive school experience, parents need to collaborate with the school to find solutions and secure the right resources.
Nate Marble: That makes a lot of sense. Going back to something we touched on earlier—you mentioned therapy as a resource for parents.
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah.
Nate Marble: Can you talk more about that? How therapy can support parents in this process?
Finding the Right Therapist for Parents
Nate Marble: Are there specific types of therapies or particular expertise that parents should look for when choosing a therapist?
Jennifer Hedrick: Mm-hmm.
Nate Marble: Especially for a child with ASD or who is neurodivergent—what qualities or experience should a therapist have?
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah, that’s a great question. There are a couple of key things to look for. First, it’s important that the therapist truly understands neurodivergent kids. Without that knowledge, I’ve seen situations where a therapist automatically leans toward behavioral modification techniques.
They might tell parents, “You just need to get them to do this,” and then prescribe a rigid approach to compliance. While behavioral modification can be helpful in some cases, it often focuses on teaching kids what not to do rather than guiding them toward what to do. That gap can be a big issue, especially for neurodivergent kids who may need support in understanding and developing social and emotional skills.
The Importance of Parental Support and Self-Care
Jennifer Hedrick: I don’t think a therapist has to be an expert in neurodivergence, but they should at least have a solid understanding of the underlying factors influencing a child’s behavior. If the therapist is working with the parent, the focus should be on helping them develop the skills they need—because many parents, understandably, may not have the tools to care for themselves healthily while also supporting their child.
I’ll take a moment to plug EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Even though it’s primarily known as a trauma-focused therapy, it’s also great for resource building—helping people strengthen their ability to manage and tolerate distress. Since it works through the nervous system, it can be an effective way for parents to build resilience. So, if a parent can find a therapist trained in EMDR, that could be a great option.
Nate Marble: Since you’ve worked in this field for a long time, are there any parents who stand out—either as examples of what works well or what doesn’t? I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of different approaches.
Expectations and Acceptance in Parenting
Jennifer Hedrick: I think it comes down to a parent's expectations for their child. Are those expectations based on what they want for their child—like, “I want my child to be this kind of person”? Or are they more focused on, “I want my child to have a good experience in the world”?
The parents who do best are the ones who make the shift from trying to change their children to supporting them. It’s not about altering how their child’s brain works—it’s about helping them recognize and use their strengths while learning to navigate a world that isn’t always designed for them. Parents who can embrace and accept their children for who they are tend to have the most success.
Self-Care Strategies for Parents
Nate Marble: I was talking to a parent at our last seminar during a men's group, and one of the dads shared that every day, he sets aside 15 minutes to go into his garage and work on a car.
Jennifer Hedrick: Yeah.
Nate Marble: Those little things make a difference, but I’ve yet to meet a parent who says, “I have no burnout, and I’m great at self-care all the time.” It’s just not easy. Any final thoughts on self-care for parents or how they can approach it?
Jennifer Hedrick: I’ll make a joke and say that the people who talk the most about self-care are often the ones who don’t do it very well—including me. But really, I think the key is not trying to take it all on at once. It’s like a New Year's resolution—sometimes we think, “I have to overhaul everything and do all these things to take care of myself.” Instead, just start with one small thing that feels nurturing. Once that becomes a habit, you can build from there.
Nate Marble: Right, like that dad taking just 15 minutes for himself.
Jennifer Hedrick: Exactly.
Nate Marble: Just making the time for it.
Upcoming Topics in Therapeutic Support
Nate Marble: Great. Well, thank you again.
Jennifer Hedrick: Absolutely.
Nate Marble: That was Jen Hedrick, our Clinical Director here at Discovery Ranch South and the Associate Clinic. That wraps up today’s episode.
Next time, we’ll be discussing therapeutic support options and what to consider when exploring residential treatment for your child. We’ll see you then!