Teen Success Stories: Life After Discovery Ranch South
In this episode, Tiffany Silva Herlin, LCSW, talks with Rachel and her daughter Emma, who share their powerful journey of healing after Emma’s residential treatment. They discuss how a parent-child contract and open communication were key to building a strong foundation of trust. Rachel reflects on overcoming the stigma of seeking help, while Emma shares how the experience saved her life and inspired her to pursue a career as a therapist. This story of resilience offers hope and guidance to parents and teens navigating similar challenges.
If you found hope in Rachel and Emma's story, please share this episode with a friend or family member who might need to hear it. Your share could be the encouragement they're looking for. To learn more about the topics we discussed and to find resources for families, please visit our website at https://discoveryranchsouth.com/ or call us at 855-667-9388.
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Life After Discovery Ranch South Transcript
Introduction to Homelife After Treatment
Tiffany: Welcome back to our final episode. I'm Tiffany Silva Herlan, a licensed clinical social worker.
In this episode, we'll talk about what happens after residential treatment- when the bags are unpacked, routines resume, and the real work of healing continues at home. This family will reflect on what's changed since their daughter's time at Discovery Ranch South, what they've learned as individuals and as a family, and how they continue to show up for each other every day. This episode is a helpful reminder that the journey doesn't end at graduation; it just evolves, just like we do. Let's begin.
All right, you guys, this is our last episode. I'm excited to hear about what it's been like since you've been home. How long has it been now?
Emma: It just hit three years.
Tiffany: Three years! Oh my goodness. Okay, so let's start with how you guys prepared for you coming home, Emma.
Emma: Before coming home, my therapist and my parents and I came up with some agreements. There was actually a contract that I signed with all the things I needed to do while I was home. I'll let my mom get into that a little more, because she can explain it better.
Rachel: As Emma was preparing to graduate from Discovery Ranch, one of the things we were tasked with as her parents was to create a contract. We wanted to lay everything out and go through it with her in advance. The contract included expected behaviors, privileges, and consequences if those things weren't met.
I don't think there were any big surprises in the contract for any of us. I think there may have been a little pushback on certain things, but for the most part, we had already done so much work to prepare for her graduation.
When she came home, she was going to have a lot more flexibility in terms of phone usage and social media, but we had already addressed and worked on those topics. I will say, from a parent's perspective, that was one of the scariest parts of bringing her home. And you may have felt similarly, Emma, because even though as a teenager you want all those things, like freedom and flexibility, not having them can make things easier.
Tiffany: Oh yeah.
Rachel: For me, it was definitely something I was concerned about. How is this going to work? What if she sees something on social media that upsets her? Or what if someone from her past reaches out who we didn't think was a good contact?
But again, I think what was most important was the lot of trust between my husband, Emma, and me. We had already explored pretty much every topic under the sun, and our communication was very open. So even though we had concerns- and that's true with any of our kids- I felt confident that we were capable of listening, understanding one another, and communicating effectively.
Tiffany: Emma displayed that in the last episode we just talked about, when she spoke up and said, "Hey, I want this friend on the list. Trust me, Mom and Dad, I'll let you know if they're not healthy for me, but let me be the one to decide that." I mean, that's such a more mature and adult way to handle a tricky conversation. Learning those skills is so essential. You're not coming home as a fully functioning adult. Often, I'll say to my own teenage daughters, "Hey, if you have an issue with something, instead of shutting down, getting upset, or storming off, come talk to me about it."
Tiffany: "It doesn't have to be perfect, but if you're willing to have a discussion with me that isn't super emotionally charged, I'm willing to listen, meet you halfway, and hear your reasoning." I would love to have that kind of communication with my own teenage daughter. That’s important for eventually developing into an adult, right?
Emma: Yeah.
Tiffany: So that's essential for you coming home.
Rachel: I think it's been interesting. Emma has been home for three years now, and of course, things have come up. There have been various challenges, and I think that part of the key to our continued success has been that communication. My husband and I have always been willing to pause and hear what she has to say. I think that has allowed her to come to us and share comfortably and freely, knowing that she won't be punished right away.
I'm not going to say there's never a consequence for something, but usually our approach is, "Just be honest with us and share what's happening. Let's figure this out together."
Emma: Yeah.
Rachel: We don't give punishments or consequences, in our house at least, when there is honesty and transparency. We might have a lesson from it, we might try to teach you something, but it's not like, "You're punished, you're grounded." I think because of that, we've been able to keep a lot of open communication.
Emma: 100,000%! A lot of my friends are like, "Wow, I can't believe you just told your mom that." I tell my mom everything under the moon- sometimes I even overshare with her. My friends are shocked. They're like, "How do you have this open relationship with your mom and your dad?" And I just tell them, "I'm always honest with them."
My parents are never going to punish me, just like my mom said, if I'm honest about something. But if I lie about something, then of course they're going to give me a consequence. If I'm doing something with my friends, I'm always going to be open with my mom. If I have a bad reaction to something, she's always going to be the first one there to support me.
Tiffany: I love how Discovery Ranch has helped you guys get to this point of healing and brought you together to have more open and transparent conversation and communication.
Emma: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Emotional Reunion and Reflections
Tiffany: What was it like picking up your daughter for the first time after so much time away?
Emma: I think we both remember this moment pretty well.
Rachel: We do. It was just so exciting, and I was so proud of how hard she had worked. I was truly just beaming. When you walk in and find your child who has tried to take their own life, who you've watched cutting and hurting themselves for so long... and then you take this giant leap of faith to send your child to a state you've never even been to- it was the scariest thing I've ever done.
At the same time, I knew we were out of options, and I knew she wouldn't be alive if we didn't do it. I truly believe that. I remember when I sent her, I was praying and making a deal with God. I thought she was going to come home, and maybe she'd be a little "hippie-ish," burning incense, smoking pot, and living in California. I didn't see college in her future.
This was all before she went to the Ranch. I said to myself, "If she can just come home for that obligatory Thanksgiving visit and maybe tolerate me- even if I'm not her favorite person- if we can just get along and she's peaceful and healthy, I can accept that." That was the deal I made. That's as good as I thought it was going to get.
But that was not the reality. Instead, after her graduation, we took a trip for a week and drove down the California coast.
Emma: We even got matching tattoos!
Tiffany: Oh, that's awesome.
Rachel: That was a year later. That was a promise I made to her.
She's thriving. To continue watching her graduate, get into all the schools she applied to, and go to her dream college... I can't even put into words how life-changing it is. I never would have imagined this would be the result, and not just that, but the relationship we have now.
Tiffany: I can tell from talking with you both on this podcast. Emma, I've watched you speak up, hold boundaries, and get your needs met. At the same time, you've both been so kind, thoughtful, and supportive of one another. You can tell you've worked really hard to be where you're at. What an amazing thing to finally get there and realize it's even better than what you were hoping for. It's not perfect, but it wasn't just this low bar you were setting, like, "Please, just let her be peaceful."
Rachel: Yeah.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Rachel: It's pretty perfect. It's borderline perfect, wouldn't you say?
Tiffany: It's borderline... Emma-
Adjusting to Life After Treatment
Emma: I say it's pretty perfect.
Tiffany: Emma, what was it like for you coming home?
Emma: Honestly, I was really sad to leave the Ranch. I had many nights where I cried because I had gotten my graduation date. I loved the Ranch; it became my second family. I was also very anxious because I was getting a lot of new freedoms. I was getting my phone back, and I was going to be able to rekindle friendships with some old friends. It was very scary. But I always knew that my mom was there for me, which made it a lot easier.
It was challenging at times, but I feel like I came home from treatment four other times, and none of them were like how I came home from the Ranch. I was prepared to come home. I was ready to face whatever this next chapter of my life was. I had all the coping skills I needed, I was so regulated, and I had everything I needed to the point where I was so ready. Despite me being sad and scared to leave, I knew I was ready.
Rachel: And shockingly- I find this astounding- when she had been in her last local program before we sent her to Utah, she was on so much medication. She was weaned off of everything at the Ranch so they could see her at her baseline. Actually, she was weaned off of everything during wilderness, I think it was. She was started on one thing just to regulate her so she could work through some stuff at the Ranch. She came home when she graduated, not on any medication.
Tiffany: That's amazing.
Rachel: And that's not to suggest there's anything wrong with medication. It's just to show how drastically things changed from when she left to when she came home.
Emma: Yeah, medication... I feel like medication played a big part because I'm very sensitive to it. I have ADHD, and I tried taking medication in school to focus more, but nothing really helped for me. A lot of the time, I think the medication just made it worse. I'm so thankful that medication can help certain people.
Rachel: Yeah.
Emma: And it... yeah.
Tiffany: And oftentimes medication can, like you said, help you as you're working through hard things and learning new skills. Ultimately, if you can wean off of it, that's great.
Emma: Yeah.
Tiffany: Once you've replaced those skills and also created those new neuropathways in your brain.
Emma: Yes.
Tiffany: That you've needed, so you don't have to depend on them. Yeah. I love the drastic difference between where she started and where she is now. You can tell you've done so much work, not only yourself, but as a family, which is so important. How has life at home changed for the better? What have been some challenges?
Navigating New Challenges in School
Emma: A lot has changed. I wouldn't say anything has been worse. After I got home from the Ranch, I started at a new, specialized school. It's a very small school- there were only 52 kids in my graduating class- and it specializes in learning disabilities, which is exactly what I needed. It definitely had its ups and downs, but more ups than downs.
Socially, it was hard for me because I'm a very social and outgoing person, and I never really found my crew or my group of friends because the school was so small. But academically, it helped me thrive. The teachers are just so amazing and truly care about helping us and making sure we get the academic support we need. They genuinely care about our success. I don't think I would have gotten into my dream school or any of the colleges I applied to. I don't think I would be as successful as I am right now without that school.
Tiffany: Was it hard to adjust to being back home and in school life?
Emma: Yeah, I think... yes and no. I think everyone is scared and nervous for their first day at a new school, obviously. But I knew two people who went there, which made it a little easier. The schoolwork was also very manageable and really helped me ease into things.
Rachel: And you started on the tennis team right away.
Emma: Yeah.
Rachel: She plays tennis, so that was another activity to keep her busy. She graduated at the end of March, and that summer she ended up meeting one of her best friends where we spend part of the summer. Having those friendships and other people in place helped balance things out.
I don't think there was a very big adjustment for our family as a whole when she came home because she had been home several times already. As a family, we had also been out to Utah a few times, so it wasn't like she had been gone for a year and then all of a sudden just popped back into our lives. She had definitely been very present at home, and some of her visits toward the end- before she graduated- were for up to 10 days at a time.
Emma: Yeah.
Tiffany: That's the beauty of those visits, right? They're a test to see how you do when you come home. It's not just for fun; it's to see what life would look like if you were home. How do you do with boundaries? How do you work through challenges?
Rachel: And it's a little hard because... well, it's wonderful that they do those visits, but they were difficult sometimes because she wasn't in school, and she didn't have her group of people to be with. So you couldn't really see how things were going to go.
Tiffany: Yeah.
Rachel: It gave us a taste of things, but it wasn't exactly how real life was going to be just yet.
Tiffany: Yeah, absolutely. That makes a lot of sense.
Reflections on Healing and Growth
Tiffany: What has been the most surprising thing about the transition home?
Rachel: The most surprising thing for me is that when I look back at everything we went through- how much she was hurting, how bad it was- to see her thriving and continuing to thrive... They say, "time heals all wounds," and it does. There’s a part of me that forgets. I don’t ever truly forget, but it's easy to look at her now and not remember. And that’s not a bad thing. I don't forget in the sense that I'm always grateful for how much she went through and survived, and how much we went through and survived. It brought our whole family closer together.
She knows that when we were leaving her at the Ranch, I said, "This looks like a place where you can heal." When we went back for her last home visit, I was flying back with her for my last parent seminar. It just so happened we were waiting for the flights to take off, and we were scrolling through pictures, and she said, "Oh, let me look at the pictures."
And she went back to the beginning, some of those original photos. We looked at this, then we looked at that, and now we're looking at look how far you’ve come. That actually was sort of the theme of my grad speech for her was about how far she had come.
I told her, "Utah was a place where you healed, but it was also a place where I healed, and where our family healed." We learned so many invaluable lessons. While I wish none of us ever had to go through it, I am really thankful that sending her to wilderness and the Ranch created a very healthy family environment for all of us and a bond I don’t think we ever would have had.
So I don't ever forget what we've gone through. But hearing her speak so beautifully and with such wisdom, and seeing her keep herself regulated, engaged, and challenging herself with so many different things- I just continue to be blown away by who she’s become. She's taught me so much.
Tiffany: I love that you're sharing this with us, and just how much she has grown. I wasn't even there for the process, but just hearing your story and seeing you two interact, I can tell there has been so much progress and so much healing. Sometimes as a parent, when things get so hard and so dark, in any trial you're facing, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To be sitting where you're at today, because you graduated how many days ago?
Rachel: Two weeks.
Emma: Two weeks, yeah.
Tiffany: Two weeks ago? And you got to speak at your own graduation?
Emma: I did, yeah.
Tiffany: Did you ever envision...?
Emma: I used that phrase in my graduation speech. I know my mom mentioned it, but I was like, "I can't do this- yet."
Rachel: So she submitted a speech, and they selected her to speak at graduation.
Tiffany: That's incredible. Did you envision yourself speaking at your own graduation?
Emma: No. Never.
Tiffany: I mean, how amazing is that? How far you've come. I’m just really loving hearing your story. Did anything change with your family dynamics? Not just between you two, but what about with your siblings and your dad?
Emma: Yeah. My brothers and I got even closer because of my experience. We're siblings, so of course we fight, but at the end of every day, they're my siblings, and we love each other so much. I know no matter what, we always have each other's backs, and I think what I went through really proved that. My dad and I also got so close. He's always had this motto: "You persevere 'til the end." I always thought about that when I was in treatment. He's just always had my back no matter what.
Tiffany: I love it. Mom, anything you want to add or say about that?
Rachel: I did one of the things at the recommendation of our educational consultant before Emma graduated. About three months before she graduated, I hired a parent coach.
Preparing for Reunification
Rachel: I hired Solutions Parenting and worked with Jen Murphy, who I thought was wonderful. She’s a former wilderness therapist, and she actually helped me put the contract together in a way that made sense. One of the things I wanted to be aware of was how our family unit was going to come back together. There was some disconnect between the boys and Emma, or some mistrust, especially early on when she was away.
Ironically, I ended up using Jen more for challenges with my boys than with Emma, because we had already figured out how to communicate with her. We hadn't done that deep work with the boys. I think the timing of when she came home also worked out really well for us. She graduated at the end of March, and by the time we got home from our trip, it was the beginning of April.
We then went on a spring break trip to see my mom in Florida, but our family of five went down together. So we were all together pretty much right away. Then it was summer shortly after, which gave all of us some natural downtime to be together that wasn't full of stress or navigating a new school right away. I think the timing really helped us.
Emma: Yeah.
Tiffany: How did you set up a therapist and get support systems at home? They are so cocooned at a residential treatment program, and that handoff can be tricky.
Emma: I was actually very lucky. My therapist from wilderness, Grace, was my group’s last group. She wanted to go into private practice, and she loves traveling. So she actually became my therapist and has been my therapist for the past three years. She's so amazing. We actually got the chance to go to Zion National Park with her. We did a little of Angel's Landing and tried to do the Narrows.
Tiffany: Oh, awesome.
Emma: It was so amazing, and I still work with her today.
Tiffany: That's incredible. What do you wish you had known before starting this journey?
Understanding the Need for Treatment & Looking Ahead
Rachel: I wish I had a better understanding of the purpose and benefits of wilderness therapy and therapeutic boarding schools. I wish I hadn't let the stigma get to me and been so scared of it. If I had understood it better, I probably would have sent her to a program much sooner.
I also wish I had understood that I wasn't a failure for not being able to help her the way I wanted to. The deep work she needed to do could not be done at home. I didn't understand that at all. And I wish I had known that this experience could not only save her life but also create a new, even better life for our entire family.
I'm not going to say it wasn't hell or that it wasn't scary. But it was also hell having her at home, walking on eggshells every day, not being able to hold boundaries, and not knowing what I would find when I opened the door to her bedroom. That was hell too.
I would encourage any parent to trust the process, trust their gut, and do the research. There are a lot of parent groups out there, several of which I'm on, where people are willing to share their experiences and talk things through. Hopefully, that makes the decision less overwhelming, as do podcasts like this one.
Tiffany: Yeah, that’s why we're doing this- to get your story and this message out there for parents who are going through what you have been through. It's so important for parents to hear that they are not a failure. Sometimes, you're doing the best you can with the skills you have, and it's just not enough because the struggles your teen is facing are bigger than they can handle and bigger than you can handle. It has nothing to do with your ability to be a good parent or to love them. It's that we don't always have the right tools and support. We have to ask for those things.
Rachel: And if you love your child, then doing what's best for them is loving them. One last thing I would say is that I always equate it to this: If she had cancer and needed surgery or chemotherapy, I would go to the ends of the earth to make sure she got whatever she needed.
Sometimes when people hear that their child needs to be put in a hold or transport needs to pick them up, it's almost looked at as "abuse." I would challenge anyone to think about what they would do if their child had a cancer diagnosis or an appendix that needed to come out before it erupted. Would you not have your child sedated and restrained so that surgery could happen? You certainly wouldn't let them die. People need to start looking at mental health as an illness- because it is- and treat it with the same urgency as a physical illness.
Tiffany: Oh, absolutely. The stigma just really stops a lot of parents from getting their kids the help they need because they're so worried about what people are going to think. They don't see that it could really save their child’s life.
Rachel: Yes.
Tiffany: Emma, talk to us about college. Talk to us about the future. What are you excited about?
Emma: Yeah, I have a lot of exciting things. I'm on summer break right now.
Rachel: And working!
Emma: Yeah, I was just about to say that. I'm working and have a boyfriend, so it’s just a fun summer before I start college at the end of August. I'm majoring in psychology and plan to become a therapist. My mom and I have talked a lot about wanting to open our own local program that we feel would be very beneficial and unlike any of the local programs I went to. It would include equine therapy, puppy therapy, and puppy yoga. I hope that dream comes true one day, but at the very least, I would love to become a therapist so I can help people who have been in my shoes.
Tiffany: Are you moving out of the house for college or sticking close by?
Emma: I'm moving out of the house. I'm going to be living in a dorm with a friend.
Tiffany: That's exciting! Is it hard to do now that you've been home, or do you feel prepared?
Emma: I feel prepared, but I'm very sad to leave my mom.
Tiffany: Yeah, it can be both.
Emma: Yes.
Tiffany: Right, that’s that DBT therapy right there.
Emma: Yes! I have two dogs, which I'm so sad to leave, and my brother. But we already have plans for when I’m coming home. My brother is also going to college, so we're going to be visiting each other. So it's very sad and happy.
Encouragement for Parents Considering Treatment
Tiffany: Yeah, of course. What message would you like to leave our listeners who may be considering sending their child to a residential treatment program but are on the fence and worried because of what they're hearing about them?
Emma: I think, like I said before, it’s very scary. And like my mom said, you have to trust your gut. You’ll never know the outcome of something until you try it. The outcome may not be positive, but it might be, and you'll never know unless you actually try and send your kids somewhere. If your kid is hurting so much and you leave them at home, they're not going to get anywhere. If they're hurting as badly as I was, I would not have gotten anywhere if my mom hadn't sent me to a program. You're not going to know until you do it. Hopefully, the end result will be that your child comes home and is thriving. Just like my mom and I have both said, trust the process.
Tiffany: I love it. Anything you want to add, Mom, before we finish?
Rachel: When we talk about "trusting your gut and trusting the process," one of the things that especially upset Emma was that after she graduated, she would see some of the girls who had also been at the Ranch with her posting things on social media. She chose to make a TikTok that was positive about her experience, but then she saw some people she knew who were...
Emma: Lying.
Rachel: Lying or saying things that weren't true. I think that's where it gets really hard from a parent's perspective. Do things sometimes happen in programs? They do everywhere, right? I don't want to insinuate that it's a horrible, horrible thing, but maybe the way somebody is disciplined or a privilege is taken away might seem menial or unfair to the child. I just think parents need to be aware of this, so if their child is saying, "Everybody is mean here, they're putting me in holds," you have to understand the context of what's being said.
Emma: I was very upset. One of the girls from wilderness lied that she broke her foot and that the staff didn't do anything. I was like, "That’s not true. That never happened."
Tiffany: Rachel, is there any final message you want to leave for our listeners?
Rachel: In addition to trusting your gut and trusting the process, I would say to make sure you do your research. Dig deep, look through the reviews, and see if there are consistent themes. But also understand that those reviews are sometimes written by kids who didn't want to be at those programs and who might have felt like things weren't fair, perhaps because a boundary was being held and a privilege was taken away. Obviously, if there's something concerning, do your research, talk to other parents, and talk to other kids who have graduated from those programs. Just keep the context of what you're reading in mind.
Tiffany: I agree. It's easy to get caught up in social media. They say, "if it bleeds, it leads," right? I'm not saying those things aren't true, or that there aren't things that need to change and regulations that need to happen in programs. But know that things that are exciting and catch people's attention are what's going to go viral. So keep the context in mind, as you said. I absolutely agree with that.
Celebrating Progress and Future Possibilities
Tiffany: Well, I have loved talking to both of you. I am so excited for both of your futures and for your family's future. Hearing your story, and the progress you've made, and how much work you've both put into healing and coming together, and having such a better relationship and open communication... I just hope you have the best summer ever. I'm so excited for you in college. And I hope I get to hear more about it if you do open up a program. Please send me information on what you have going on in your future, because you have a really bright future ahead. It sounds like at one point you didn't. What an amazing miracle to be able to share with everybody how this has really helped you.
Emma: Thank you so much, and thank you so much for having us. We love sharing our story and getting our side of it out there, so thank you.
Rachel: Yeah, thank you so much.
Tiffany: We need to hear more stories like yours, right?
Rachel: That's right. Thank you, Tiffany.
Tiffany: Thank you.